school can wait. seriously. give yourself the time (& only you can decide just how much time that is) to sort out your personal life and learn to really enjoy you.

phd? sure but only if you absolutely feel passionate about it and have the ability to live the life.

i just asked dietz how did he know he wanted a phd and to paraphrase his response “it was intuitively obvious that i get my phd because it’s function is a stepping stone to my intellectual objectives. i’m also comfortable with the long hours and steady stream of high pressured work to consistently meet & exceed the expectations of an academic career.”

it already sounds like a phd (at this time) is not your passion, so find your passion elsewhere.

hey, i thought you said the class you’re taking now is pretty dull. isn’t this a fair indication of what your direction should look like?

mind you, britta, i’m coming from the other side. and i worked bloody hard to get where i am. but it meant learning to take risks which is no easy lesson b/c the flipside of taking risks is ownership of outcome, good, bad, and inbetween. which is another way of saying self acceptance. i always knew i was different, but i’ve really come to understand i’m comfortable with it.

would it encourage you to develop an engaging personal life if you did something not work related?

ok ok. you have tons of hobbies / interests / talents but i’ve noticed that these are almost exclusively singular pursuits (& i classify your blog as quasi-singluar). baking / sewing / biking / running / reading really don’t require much interaction with others, particularly new people! which to me means that you need to squeeze in at least one interest that requires real (not online!) people contact. if you feel like your life is stale, then it probably is.

which is why i suggested starting / joining a bookclub. you might also want to share your interests in eco-living with an established local group or start your own!

you also have the right skills to consider teaching your own class. as in teaching sewing or baking or reading or increasing personal recycling. community centres / libraries /specialised non-profits are starters. like a thesis topic, make your own personal project to share, but with less of the drudgery and certainly without the debt.

(for example, through my work / off-hours i’m teaching myself new jewellery techniques and meeting useful contacts. i’m considering opening up an e-shop as well as teaching a jewellery class using recycled materials at my local women’s centre. i think these are pursuits i can see myself really enjoying).

you really are sitting on a goldmine of opportunities simply because of who you are.

and to find your direction in life really means to make the space for it.

so go on, decrease the time you spend of things that bore you and increase the time for your fun!

go for it!

From my perspective, you sound stressed about the PhD, not passionate. Grad school will still be there for you in two years, or five, or ten. Believe me, it’s possible to do graduate school at the advanced age of 40!

That said, do what feels right to you. It worked out for me to take time and do the degree later. Or it will have worked out if I ever get this stupid dissertation written….

I’ll check in soon to see how you’re feeling about it.

Try to separate that from what you feel obligated to do (whether by your potential, your family, your academic surroundings, your desire for status, your desire to be on the same educational footing as your husband, etc). It might be that a sense of obligation is actually a strong motivating force. If that’s the case, weigh that in.

What are you losing out on if you forgo the PhD?
How do you see yourself enjoying your life? Is it with a Ph.D? Can you imagine a happy, fulfilled life without it? Can you imagine a happy fulfilled life with it and the work that it will lead to? What exactly do you see it leading to and would that make you happy? Do you feel that you need to get more education to justify something (like a decision not to have children, for example).

I have a friend who will earn her Ph.D this winter and believe it or not she wants to be an academic advisor. She sees me doing this job I enjoy and sees that I have time outside of work for my writing and other pursuits. She doesn’t regret getting the education. She enjoys it, but she also realizes that the quality and style of life she wants rules out being an academic. She wants to do other things besides research.

Questions:
If you took another course would that give you more insight into the program?
Are there ways you can work around class?
You don’t have to put yourself in a crunch time to get the PHD, but you do want to take things you enjoy.

I do think it’s something for me that’s been better now than later, but that’s not the case for everyone. Does the job you eventually want require a PHD, then the positive is that you can begin working on it and just have to limit the other “things” you do to fill your time now to make room for class stuff, but don’t kill yourself doing it.

I know how you feel making more time for you b/c it doesn’t feel like it. I say.. I don’t know what I will do when I finish, but it is accomplishing a goal for me- so I truck on and enjoy things in small quantities- it doesn’t mean I am not complaint free about it;) it’s a lot to manage.

Bottom line: Do you want your PHD? If yes.. then let’s explore how to do it in ways that work for you

If your not sure- take a another class- what can it hurt?

If no- then move on and change the world in other ways!

Love you!

I suppose I’ll continue on, since sacrifice now is worth it in the long run. Good luck!!

Seriously, I DO totally understand your ambivalence, because there’s a lot of life stuff that makes me feel the same way. I also understand that a PhD is a long and winding road, and that you feel that you’d want to get started on it ASAP even though you’re like, 12 years old. (Bob is starting his Master’s at 36, and he thinks he’s the oldest person in the world.)

That being said, a PhD IS a long and winding road to get to…what? You’ll live with the career & personal advantages (or lack therof) much longer than you’ll live with the PhD work, so the bigger question is what is it going to get you? And can you get it any sooner and easier by just work experience and/or classes here and there?

Also, if my own life is any gauge…never underestimate the power of turning 30 to really freak you out and make you want to do stuff just to check it off your “to do” list. My 30th birthday made me want to get a PhD, have three kids, and climb Mt. Everest within six months. It’s taken me a couple of years to begin to calm down and realize that I’m GLAD my 20s are over, because I’m sick of feeling pressured to make Big Decisions That Affect My Whole Life (even if they don’t, or even if the decisions can be made later).