Time is a valuable commodity. I enjoy my job, but have been working long hours. I’m also taking a class in preparation for deciding on whether to dive completely into the PhD.
For me, graduate school isn’t difficult per say, just time consuming. I’ve already done this before with the MA. Weekly papers, plus the larger projects. I love learning. I love reading. I like writing.
But I love my free-time, too. I started Eat, Pray, Love two weeks ago. Normally I read a book in under a week. I’m not even a third through the book! Baking and cooking are relatively on hold as well. Plus the few TV shows I like are piling up on DVR.
I’m grateful Dan and I share the commute together and dinner every day. We get our time in, but I haven’t felt like I’ve had enough down time. I’m wrestling with this decision. It’s registration time for next semester and I’m thinking about sitting it out.
PhD. and advance in my career? Or Free-time and enjoy my life? If I opt out, will I regret it in 5 years? Am I choosing short term gain for long term loss? And I can’t tell you how many other countless thoughts are swimming in my head over this.
Please tell me I’m not alone. No one has their life REALLY figured out, do they?
9 Comments
October 30, 2007 at 5:40 pm
You already know where I stand on this one. I would never give up on school because I know I would regret it the instant I started a job I didn’t like. But that doesn’t mean that you can’t tailor school around your schedule. Taking a semester off until you can get your workload in check is a great idea. Or maybe Christmas break will be enough to refresh you and you’ll be ready for another semester before you thought. I don’t envy you for having to make a decision, just remember it isn’t just black and white!
October 31, 2007 at 7:06 am
My life figured out? Bwa ha ha! You’re joking, right?
Seriously, I DO totally understand your ambivalence, because there’s a lot of life stuff that makes me feel the same way. I also understand that a PhD is a long and winding road, and that you feel that you’d want to get started on it ASAP even though you’re like, 12 years old.
(Bob is starting his Master’s at 36, and he thinks he’s the oldest person in the world.)
That being said, a PhD IS a long and winding road to get to…what? You’ll live with the career & personal advantages (or lack therof) much longer than you’ll live with the PhD work, so the bigger question is what is it going to get you? And can you get it any sooner and easier by just work experience and/or classes here and there?
Also, if my own life is any gauge…never underestimate the power of turning 30 to really freak you out and make you want to do stuff just to check it off your “to do” list. My 30th birthday made me want to get a PhD, have three kids, and climb Mt. Everest within six months. It’s taken me a couple of years to begin to calm down and realize that I’m GLAD my 20s are over, because I’m sick of feeling pressured to make Big Decisions That Affect My Whole Life (even if they don’t, or even if the decisions can be made later).
October 31, 2007 at 8:17 am
The grass is always greener… It’s my new mantra. When I graduated from college and went to work, I loved my job, coworkers, and the corporation I worked for, but thought, “I really need to go to grad school. I won’t get where I want if I don’t.” I’m now less than a year away from my PhD and wondering, “Why did I do this? Will it really get me where I want to be? I think I need to get back to the corporate world – no more science, no more bench work. I’ll need an MBA to do that. Surely with a PhD in Molecular Biology and an MBA, someone will hire me…” But at what point do I get to LIVE? I often wonder if I would have been just as happy had I stayed in my old job and never come to grad school. But the grass would have probably been greener then, too, and I would have regretted not living up to my perceived potential. I don’t know the answer for you or me or anyone. I do know that jumping back into school is a big committment and there will be days you kick yourself because you haven’t read something for fun in a very long time and you don’t get to spend enough time with your loved ones, you don’t get to travel, you don’t get to cook, you don’t have enough money. You will miss your “old life.” Is the end result worth it? I’ll let you know in a few years – after the PhD and MBA.
October 31, 2007 at 9:29 am
I have the same inner struggle, only it’s about my second job instead of school. Do I continue to give up an extra 10 or 15 hours a week on top of my full-time job so that I can be credit card debt free by next summer, or do I quit and have more free time with the hubby? (and more free time to read! I’m also reading Eat Pray Love right now)
I suppose I’ll continue on, since sacrifice now is worth it in the long run. Good luck!!
October 31, 2007 at 12:55 pm
This is a tough one no doubt. I can understand where you are coming from. I can only speak from my experience. It’s been great to do it and get it done, but at the same time you want to like it (or it’s a waist I think). As crazy as it seems I would make a list of the positive and negative of it and go over it with Dan. I don’t want you to be miserable, but then again, maybe you can rethink it.
Questions:
If you took another course would that give you more insight into the program?
Are there ways you can work around class?
You don’t have to put yourself in a crunch time to get the PHD, but you do want to take things you enjoy.
I do think it’s something for me that’s been better now than later, but that’s not the case for everyone. Does the job you eventually want require a PHD, then the positive is that you can begin working on it and just have to limit the other “things” you do to fill your time now to make room for class stuff, but don’t kill yourself doing it.
I know how you feel making more time for you b/c it doesn’t feel like it. I say.. I don’t know what I will do when I finish, but it is accomplishing a goal for me- so I truck on and enjoy things in small quantities- it doesn’t mean I am not complaint free about it;) it’s a lot to manage.
Bottom line: Do you want your PHD? If yes.. then let’s explore how to do it in ways that work for you
If your not sure- take a another class- what can it hurt?
If no- then move on and change the world in other ways!
Love you!
October 31, 2007 at 1:05 pm
Not everone has to get a PhD. It just feels that way if you work for a university. What do you WANT to do now and in the future?
Try to separate that from what you feel obligated to do (whether by your potential, your family, your academic surroundings, your desire for status, your desire to be on the same educational footing as your husband, etc). It might be that a sense of obligation is actually a strong motivating force. If that’s the case, weigh that in.
What are you losing out on if you forgo the PhD?
How do you see yourself enjoying your life? Is it with a Ph.D? Can you imagine a happy, fulfilled life without it? Can you imagine a happy fulfilled life with it and the work that it will lead to? What exactly do you see it leading to and would that make you happy? Do you feel that you need to get more education to justify something (like a decision not to have children, for example).
I have a friend who will earn her Ph.D this winter and believe it or not she wants to be an academic advisor. She sees me doing this job I enjoy and sees that I have time outside of work for my writing and other pursuits. She doesn’t regret getting the education. She enjoys it, but she also realizes that the quality and style of life she wants rules out being an academic. She wants to do other things besides research.
October 31, 2007 at 1:09 pm
It looks like you have a variety of answers going already! You may not know that I started a PhD program in sociology at Rutgers just after Craig and I married. He was studying for comps, so we knew he would be done pretty soon, and I could start with some classwork part-time. I worked full-time in a job I loved, and took one class per semester for three semesters. Then Sarah came along. We really couldn’t handle Craig in grad school, me working and in grad school, and a new baby, so I quit the PhD program, which I wasn’t loving anyway. I liked the people, but I really wasn’t passionate about it. Several years later, when Sarah was in school and Craig was working only one job, I was able to start grad school again, in a different field.
From my perspective, you sound stressed about the PhD, not passionate. Grad school will still be there for you in two years, or five, or ten. Believe me, it’s possible to do graduate school at the advanced age of 40!
That said, do what feels right to you. It worked out for me to take time and do the degree later. Or it will have worked out if I ever get this stupid dissertation written….
I’ll check in soon to see how you’re feeling about it.
October 31, 2007 at 3:34 pm
How crappy of an ambiguous answer is -”it’s up to you to decide”?
My first question of clarification is this- what are your career goals? And, what are your life goals?
If you can answer the first question with something that requires a PhD, then I say stick with the program. It’s always going to be easier to be in school the younger you are (next thing you know, kids+their school, family commitments, life in general, will catch up with you).
However, if your career goals do not require a PhD, or if you’re not sure if they do, and your life goals don’t- why bother (for the moment anyway)?
While it may be easier, the younger you are, it’s never impossible to go back to an education. Why push through something that you’re not certain is going to provide a return? If you’d be happier at the moment without the PhD work, so be it. If you decide later that you do want to finish your work, and it takes some effort to complete it at that point- go for it!
I’m always one for examining long-term goals, but in this case, in the ultimate long run, if taking some time off now makes you happier and lets you enjoy life, and you know that you can always finish the PhD in the future when you know you’ll be able to create time for it…
From right now, you can enjoy your current life, and fulfill your PhD dreams later. If you force yourself through the doctorate program now and feel like you missed out on life during the course, you won’t be able to get now back.
November 1, 2007 at 3:26 am
enjoy your life.
school can wait. seriously. give yourself the time (& only you can decide just how much time that is) to sort out your personal life and learn to really enjoy you.
phd? sure but only if you absolutely feel passionate about it and have the ability to live the life.
i just asked dietz how did he know he wanted a phd and to paraphrase his response “it was intuitively obvious that i get my phd because it’s function is a stepping stone to my intellectual objectives. i’m also comfortable with the long hours and steady stream of high pressured work to consistently meet & exceed the expectations of an academic career.”
it already sounds like a phd (at this time) is not your passion, so find your passion elsewhere.
hey, i thought you said the class you’re taking now is pretty dull. isn’t this a fair indication of what your direction should look like?
mind you, britta, i’m coming from the other side. and i worked bloody hard to get where i am. but it meant learning to take risks which is no easy lesson b/c the flipside of taking risks is ownership of outcome, good, bad, and inbetween. which is another way of saying self acceptance. i always knew i was different, but i’ve really come to understand i’m comfortable with it.
would it encourage you to develop an engaging personal life if you did something not work related?
ok ok. you have tons of hobbies / interests / talents but i’ve noticed that these are almost exclusively singular pursuits (& i classify your blog as quasi-singluar). baking / sewing / biking / running / reading really don’t require much interaction with others, particularly new people! which to me means that you need to squeeze in at least one interest that requires real (not online!) people contact. if you feel like your life is stale, then it probably is.
which is why i suggested starting / joining a bookclub. you might also want to share your interests in eco-living with an established local group or start your own!
you also have the right skills to consider teaching your own class. as in teaching sewing or baking or reading or increasing personal recycling. community centres / libraries /specialised non-profits are starters. like a thesis topic, make your own personal project to share, but with less of the drudgery and certainly without the debt.
(for example, through my work / off-hours i’m teaching myself new jewellery techniques and meeting useful contacts. i’m considering opening up an e-shop as well as teaching a jewellery class using recycled materials at my local women’s centre. i think these are pursuits i can see myself really enjoying).
you really are sitting on a goldmine of opportunities simply because of who you are.
and to find your direction in life really means to make the space for it.
so go on, decrease the time you spend of things that bore you and increase the time for your fun!
go for it!